Dear Dreamer
by DiBye
Summary: Her breathing was barley under control and she felt as if she were literally floating. Johnny’s strong hand on her waste was the only thing keeping her grounded. CHAPTER 5
1. Dear Diary

**Dear Dreamer**

Plot: This is a series of events in the life of Maxie Jones. They are mostly unrelated and mostly canon. I consider the chapters to be missing moments between Maxie an several other characters from General Hospital. This is my way of getting what I've always wanted, other characters to understand and gain insight into the wonderfully complex character of Maxie Jones.

Pairing: Maybe Nikolas/Maxie, maybe others. Nothing is set in Note: I know that in the past I have not been great at updating. But, I think that it will be much easier with this story. It isn't a continuing plot, it's a series of short plot points. I think that given my busy schedule and what not this is the perfect story for me. If you have an idea of interaction you've always wanted to see the please feels free to let me know!

**Chapter 1 : Dear Diary **

Maxie Jones indulged herself in the girlish tendency of writing in a diary exactly two times in her tragic life. Approaching Maxie's thirteenth birthday, Bobbie Spencer had undergone the unthinkable task of tidying the family's attic. Wedged between the thick dust and friendly cobwebs, Bobbie discovers a treasure. Surrounded by smooth burgundy velvet lay page upon page of yellowed paper; a journal. During an especially difficult time in her life the beautiful redhead had ventured into the wide world of diary writing. But, the idea hadn't exactly panned out. Bobbie spent more time trying to figure out where she had hidden the private secret keeper than she actually did writing in it. The sentiment was still there though. So, with only a mere few days until Maxie entered the world of teenage troubles, Bobbie dusted off the velvet cover for the first time in years. Even into her old age, Bobbie would remember the elated smile on Maxie's face upon receiving the special gift. In return the young blonde would let her heart strings be pulled south, for just a moment, whenever she would come across the polished book. It was that first night, October 31st, that Maxie entered her one and only entry as a teenager.

_October 31st, 2000_

_Dear Diary, My name is Maxie Jones and I just turned 13 years old. How cool is that. Pretty soon I'll have a boyfriend and a car and everything else a girl needs in life. I'm practically an adult now. I'm sure Lucky will start to notice me soon, he was just waiting until I was more on his level. Sometimes my friends make fun of me because I have a crush on him. They just don't understand that I need a boy who is mature and worldly. It's doesn't hurt that he's really, really cute. They can laugh all they want because one day, Lucky Spencer will be all mine._

_Anyways I guess I should tell you a little about myself. My aunt Bobbie gave me this diary for my birthday. Aunt Bobbie is the best! I guess she isn't technically my aunt anymore since her and Uncle Tony divorced. But we still talk all the time and she says that we'll be family forever in her heart. I guess my heart would have to agree since it used to belong to her daughter… BJ. This is where my life gets really sad. My cousin BJ and I were best friends. We did everything together, with Georgie and Lucas tagging along of course. Then I got really sick, well my heart did that is. I think everyone thought I was going to die. That's how it seamed whenever people visited the hospital that is. I was pretty little but, I remember more than people think. How could I not? I still hate the sound of beeping, it reminds me of all the machines in the hospital. And I still can't stand the sight of people crying, it's makes my blood boil. What did crying ever help? It sure isn't what made me better. No, BJ was what made me better again._

_While I was in the hospital BJ was going to school. Her bus got into a terrible accident and she was pronounced brain dead. The rest is kind of a blur to me. One minute I'm blacking out all the time, the next I hear really sad voices telling me I would be having an operation. The second I woke up from surgery I knew something terrible must have happened. I felt numb and cold, all except for my heart. It wasn't until later that they told me about BJ, about how I received the last present she would ever give; her heart. After that my life changed completely. It wasn't the diet change and physical therapy that made life so different. It was me. I still can't explain it to anyone but, I woke up a new person. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm better or worst now. But, I don't really like to talk about it. _

_The way I see it Uncle Tony and Aunt Bobbie never have to give me another present for as long as they live. But, they will of course. Mac told me that I'm special to them because of everything that happened. But… I don't want to be special to them because of that. Sometimes I think I wouldn't be special to anyone with out BJ's heart. I would just be Maxie Jones, the girl who always messed up. Not like my perfect sister Georgie or my genius cousin Robin. It really sucks being stuck in the middle of those two. I guess they aren't so bad though. They're family and really… I don't know what I would do with out them. Speaking of- Georgie is knocking on my door now. _

_Chow!_

_Xoxo Maxie _

That night Maxie snuck down to the kitchen for a small snack. She witnessed Felicia and Mac arguing in a hushed tone. The look on Mac's face was enough to tell Maxie that her mother would be leaving yet again. Whipping back around and tip-toeing up the stairs the feisty blonde set her eyes on her newest friend; the diary. With little hesitation a swift hand reached out and snatched the book before shoving it to the back of her closet. Diaries were for girls with stories and dreams, hopes and laughter. Maxie was not that girl.

_January 2009_

"Maxie?" A deep voice shook the ashen woman from her thoughts. When Maxie looked up she was startled to find herself covered in dark soil and surrounded by life binding gravestones. The bitter soul could not recall the events that had lead her to her sisters grave, nor did she care to. Never the less she was there, dirt etched deep beneath her fingernails, a gray sky hovering above. It would all be so much easier if the sky would just swallow her. It had already stolen her most important pieces after all.

"What are you doing here." The voice sounded again, this time with enough force to make the petite blonde look up. With features dark enough to match her mood, Maxie's eyes rested on the distinguished figure of Nikolas Cassadine. The prince of Port Charles himself.

"Burying treasure." Her voice floated up like a feather, just plucked from a dying bird; lifeless and wronged. Nikolas squatted down to position himself at Maxie's level and examine what the troubled girl was up to. Never in a million years would he have guessed that his latest trip to Emily's grave would land him in this situation. Never in a million years.

"Hey, just- just slow down for a minute. What is that?" He urged gently touching her hand. She was looking down again, covering a book of some sort with layer upon layer of dirt. The hole she had dug was only about 3 inches deep and big enough to fit an average sized shoe box. Snatching her hand away from his Maxie let an angry shield cover her statuesque body.

"It's mine, so leave." Simple. Snappy. Hurt.

"This is a cemetery, you can't go around digging it up. It's disrespectful and illegal." Nikolas answered back, changing tactics. The dark Prince had enough experience with the fashion princess to know that she was in no mood to be taken care of. She wanted to stand on the edge, and anyone who wouldn't stand there with her would be thrown off in her mind. So, with a shield of his own in place, Nikolas readied himself for a battle.

"I am disrespectful and I've been known to bend the law. Besides if a cemetery isn't for burying things then what the hell are all these bodies here for." She rolled her eyes at Nikolas and shoved her hands away from the dirt. He wasn't planning to wave any sort of white flag.

"This is a place to honor the dead."

"There is no honor in death."

"I disagree."

"Once you're dead… you're dead. Everything is past tense except for the oh so lovely word 'dead'. All you are is dead. End of story."

"Death is only the beginning of a story… the rest is just a prologue." Nikolas fired back softly. With a curious expression smattering her face, Maxie let her eyes lock onto Nikolas's. He spoke in words she understood. He didn't refer to Georgie dying as 'passing away' or 'entering a better place'. Full lips spoke and unguarded ears listened. It was a match made on earth… never heaven.

"Then I guess my story is just beginning." Uttered the entranced young girl. Reaching forward, Maxie brushed aside the black soil and revealed the velvet cover of her diary. With out another word spoken she flipped through the wrinkled pages until she found the one she wanted. There in bold black letters lay the message she had yearned to scream at the top of her lungs.

**December 2009, Maxie Jones is dead. **

Letting out a soft breath Nikolas fingered each letter slowly, memorizing the texture as much as the sight. These words would be scorched into his very soul forever. Maxie topped his hand with her own and they traced the letters together, one by one, curve by curve.

"It's just the beginning Maxie." He whispered finally. Time was no longer present. The sky was now black and the letters invisible to the eye, though each one pulsed through their veins like a heartbeat.

"I wish I were gone too sometimes. But other times I'm glad I'm still here. Happy to have a chance to start over or even build off of who I was before." She spoke slowly and purposefully, trying so hard to convey what she felt. Nodding, though not entirely in understanding, Nikolas began to cover the book in dirt once again.

"It going to be okay." He said. Because they both needed to hear it. And because maybe it would be one day. Maxie sniffled, not fully believing the words, but accepting them none the less. With a shaking hand she watched the dirt cover her second and final entry into the diary that was supposed to hold her dreams. One day she would dream again, it was just too unclear when that day would be. Until then Maxie was content in knowing that death might just be the beginning. The beginning of a brand new life for Maxie Jones.

"_Rest in peace Georgie. I love you always_".

Authors Note: How was it? Terrible? Let me know. Not every section will be so sad and cryptic. There will be light parts, flashbacks, stories with Jason, Spin, Robin, etc. The sky is the limit just let me know what you are interested in seeing! Comment please - Di


	2. Fearless

Authors Note: This story takes place while Robin is fighting for her life in the hospital. She has not woken up yet. Please read, comment, and enjoy!

_**Chapter 2 : Fearless**_

Silence tasted like the thick, deep smoke of an out of control fire. In the dark of the night you could practically see it swirling around in an onslaught of death and destruction. There was no fight to be had, for it was untouchable. The poisonous matter etched itself into the eyes of onlookers bringing salty drops to the surface. The silence marked it's territory so completely, so finally that a layer of caution was unmistakable to people from miles around. It was the waiting that chipped away at Maxie Jones the most. The long, unanswered waiting…

Looking around the blonde saw her family, the people who continued to be there for her time and time again. Mac was like this great statue; strong and unmovable, inspirational even. If there was one person on earth that Maxie could save from any pain, it would be him. He was the single reason that she continued to live at home. The loyal man had lost so much already that she could not bear to watch him, watch her, pack up her life into boxes and be on her way. He deserved so much better than that. But, then again, he deserved better than her.

Spinelli was sitting next to her, ever the dutiful friend. His shaggy hair hid the tops of his sad orbs. Damien Spinelli was a truly empathetic person, always eager to understand people in their greatest form. That would be the only explanation for his friendship with the tiny fashion plate. Their bond had been unexpected, strange even. But none the less, it was there and it wasn't going anywhere. With a final look at her friend Maxie took notice to the shadow looming beside her.

She felt him before she saw him. The light scent of his cologne sifted through the air, the same smell she inhaled whenever she passed his room to get to her own. Dropping her eyes to the ground, then pulling her lashes upward to look over her shoulder just slightly; she made eye contact. Worriedly rubbing his hands together Matt Hunter stood, waiting in the wings so to speak. He could play 'uninterested' all he wanted, Maxie knew better. The stubborn jerk was praying just as much as every other individual in the vicinity. Maybe more if you counted the way his eyes seamed to wander up and beg the heavens for some sort of miracle. Good lord, he was transparent.

A clearing of the throat reeled Maxie's attention elsewhere. "I just wanted to check back in and say that, well, there's no real change." Patrick Drake stood before them in all is desperate, shaken glory. Looking the picture of distraught husband and worried father, it was clear that he had come a long way since his arrival to Port Charles. Love could do that to a man. Everyone can change if the right person comes along. And every girl wants to be the right person. Every girl wants to be the one girl that can change a man, truly change him. In Maxie's experience it only ended in heartache. But for Robin, a true miracle had been the outcome.

"Oh Robin." Anna whispered, not so quietly. She let her face drop into her hands and Mac did what he did best. He comforted her. Maxie's eyes wandered back to Matt who was focused on Patrick. He looked at his brother seriously, wishing for a way to help but not even knowing where to begin. Patrick began to turn around, getting ready to face another inner battle. To lose control or to stay strong. A battle Maxie was entirely to familiar with. With out thinking she found herself on her feet, trailing behind the brilliant doctor.

"Patrick." She called to him. When he turned around they found themselves only a short distance from the rest of the Scorpio/Drake family. Looking around nervously Maxie searched for the right words. "Robin will be okay, I mean it wouldn't make sense for her not to be." She started out a little less eloquent than she had hoped. At his confused look she continued.

"Look Robin is a good person…"

"Good people die all the time Maxie. You know that." He interrupted emotionally. It was as if he were finally allowing everything to sink in. All of that weight was now coursing through his veins and looking for an escape. The familiarity and honesty that Maxie represented had granted him that expression.

"I do know that. But I also know that the world can not be this cruel. It can not take Georgie from us only to take Robin less than a year later. Not while I'm still standing here at least. It should have been me. Not BJ and certainly not Georgie. So unless I've been taken completely off the earths radar then there is no way that Robin is due to die before me. I'm next in line and I will not allow her to cut me. I won't." She finished angrily. Patrick wordlessly watched the blonde in front on him, his eyes only drifting to his brother, who had heard the whole thing, for a moment.

"No one here is due to die. Not you and not Robin. But bad things happen to good people and I just, I don't know how to stop thinking about that." His voice broke and he looked at her hopelessly. She shrugged in understanding.

"Patrick, if there is one thing in the world I'm good at… it's tragedy. I know it and it knows me. My advice is to stop looking for comfort in all of this, or answers. Because you won't find any. The one person that could do that for you is lying in a hospital bed unconscious and maybe that sounds harsh, maybe it does, but we both know it's true. The only thing anyone can offer in the face of tragedy is truth. And the truth is you won't feel any better until Robin wakes up. Until you look at her and she looks at you and everything is right with the world again. But until then you're going to hurt, and hurt, and hurt. That's all there is." He was nodding in understanding. "So let yourself okay? You go see your baby and love her. Hurt, but love her. Go see Robin and talk to her and hold her hand. But hurt. Because that is honest. That is what we have for right now. She won't die. I promise."

"Thank you." He whispered meaningfully before wiping his eyes and turning around. With a shaky breath Maxie spun around and avoided making eye contact with Matt. He had been the only one to listen in on her and Patrick's conversation, something she was too tired to yell at him about for now. She headed over to Mac and quietly told him that she was going to get some air but she would be okay and she would be back soon.

"Maximista!" Spinelli called as she began her journey. "Where are your splendidly perfect legs set to carry you in this time of despair?"

"I just need to take a little of my own advice Spinelli, I'll be back soon though." She smiled warmly and he sat back down, knowing not to follow. Tuning the rest of the world out, Maxie let her slow, shallow breathing lead her to the one place she needed to be. Unknown to her, a certain doctor had discretely followed her only moments after her departure. Opening the heavy door to the widespread rooftop, the cold air rushed to her lungs like an oncoming train. She felt alive in a way she could not remember feeling in so long. The darkened sky was like home to her. Countless nights she had looked up to it waiting, waiting for something she could not name. As much as she hated it, Maxie spent almost every minute of her life waiting.

"Are you trying to be the next member of your family admitted to this hospital?" startling her only slightly, Matt Hunter seamed to appear out of no where. Any other day she might have screamed at him for scaring her and then kicked him in the shin. But for the moment, she was overwhelmed by the thick calm that surrounded her. Robin was not going to die. End of story.

"I hate hospitals." She said, ignoring most of his previous statement. He rolled his eyes and slipped his warm jacket around her shoulders. Shooting him a look she accepted his generosity and scooted gracefully down to the hard cement ground to lean against a short brick wall.

"Didn't you like, volunteer when you were younger or something?" He questioned mirroring her actions and sitting a few inches away from her. Maxie have been in some sort of trance, one that allowed her to dispel the fact that the two of them talking like this was a bit weird. But, Matt was not. He fully recognized the current situation and how unlikely he would normally have thought it was. The confident doctor still wasn't sure exactly why he had followed the clearly insane blonde up to the roof. One minute she was twisting his mind five ways to crazy while talking to Patrick, the next he was eager to learn more about her. What made Maxie Jones talk about death like it was an old friend. What made her know the words to comfort Patrick with out using false hope or clichés. What made Maxie Jones… Maxie Jones?

"Well yeah but, that was mostly because of Mac and my aunt Bobbie. See Mac thought that a had a tiny little _problem_ with authority." She quietly joked, finally sounding a bit more like herself. He noticed that her adoptive father seamed to affect her in that way. He seamed to pull her off of any emotional ledge and bring her back to earth. Matt quickly made a mental note that Maxie was indeed a daddy's girl. Step one to figuring out the complicated blonde had been accomplished.

"You?" Matt questioned with mock outrage. Giggling just a little, Maxie leaned back and rested her head against the cold wall. She rolled her head to the side just enough to glance at Matt with her blue eyes, making his heart beat faster and faster and faster…

"Shut up, for your information I wasn't always entirely evil. But I did have a major attitude problem." She smiled in a way that let Matt know she was only half way talking to him. The rest of her mind was indulging in the sweet memories.

"As opposed to now?" He joked again, knowing that the light banter was easing her back into the comfort she had been drifting from since Robin slipped into the land of in between.

"Jerk." She muttered kicking him lightly with her foot. His heart continued to pound as the slight contact with her body woke him up to the fact that this was real. He was talking to Maxie about things that mattered. The thought alone scared the hell out of him, but her eyes prevented the stubborn doctor from running away like he'd normally do. He was stuck in this moment with her. For better or for worst.

"Anyway, I guess I got in trouble one too many times. I got caught drinking and going to parties, I actually threw a few parties. Yeah, that didn't go over too well. Bobbie was the one to suggest volunteering at the hospital as a way to help me become more responsible. I guess she thought I'd do well with it considering…" She trailed off looking a little sad again, not that it had ever fully left her eyes to begin with.

"Considering what?" He asked hoping that he was finally getting somewhere. People were constantly referring to people and event that he had no idea about. Sometimes it really sucked being the new guy.

"Just- when I was little I spent a lot of time in the hospital." She replied staring straight into his eyes. Matt knew that with out a doubt she was fully with him, no longer lost in the land of memories. Everything that she was made of had been laid out in front of him with the simple flash of blue orbs. And, he was scared to admit that his own eyes were surely telling his own baggage filled story. "I think Georgie was really the only one who ever knew how much I hated the place. To this day I get a sick feeling in my stomach just walking through the doors. It's kind of weird considering how much time I spend here though. I guess sometimes people think that just because you don't look like it hurts you to do something or be somewhere that… it doesn't."

"Once you get good at hiding your feelings, most people forget that you have them." Matt spoke up, hoping that his impute wouldn't sway her from opening up further.

"I guess. I just always thought it would get easier you know? I thought I would stop seeing every bad thing that's ever happened to me there. I thought I would stop seeing the faces, hearing the cries, smelling the _blood_…" At her emotional words, the youngest Drake felt a hammer swing at his heart. What had happened to her?

"Do you think we could just here sit for a while. Maybe? Just until I feel okay enough to go back in there." She spilled the words hurriedly before he could ask more about her time in the hospital. The slight breeze that caressed his newly shaven face was enough to let him know that the moment had passed. Now was not the time to dig deep into the layers of Maxie Jones, at least not verbally.

"Sure." Her whispered, his voice sounding softer that he ever remembered it sounding before. She bit her lip, a nervous trait he had picked up on, and snuggled further into the borrowed black coat. Seconds ticked by and then Matt felt something. Maxie's head, like a feather floating downward, rested on his sturdy shoulder fearlessly.

It was at this moment that he realized what made Maxie different then other girls. She didn't lean on his shoulder because she wanted to or because it would make her feel better. She did it because she was _scared_ to, because she _needed_ to. Every day the blonde did something or felt something that terrified her to her very bones. But, she did it all with a defiant chin or determined smile. She was strong enough to let herself need people when it really, really counted. Matt believed that this more than anything made Maxie Jones fearless. And in his very soul, the place he had yet to listen to, he wished to one day be fearless too.

Authors Note: So, I thought I would try out Matt and Maxie a little. They won't be a main pairing but I'm trying to show Maxie through other people's eyes as well as her own. Let me know what you think.


	3. Breathing

Authors Note- This chapter takes place after Georgie's funeral. It is a look at Maxie and someone who I think shares some important qualities with her. These two character rarely share the screen but I would just love it if they did more often! Let me know what you think!

**Chapter Two: Breathing **

_Click, clank, click, clank... _

Heals; Sharp and biting. With the ever echoing 'click, clank' sounding through out the enormous walls of the exquisitely decorated home of Bobbie Spencer, a shadow cast itself. Each step vanquishing inferiority with certainty, with power. Through the never ending hall the heals carried their owner, until they rested to look upon the living area. Guests and mourners were scattered about, dabbing their faces with tissues and soft sleeves.

"It's show time." Maxie Jones uttered just loud enough for her own ears. Spread before her was, in her own words, the story of her sisters life. Tarnished, tattered, and even beaten; these people were important to Georgie. Or maybe they just liked to think that they were. Either way Maxie was subjected to hours of dirty looks and shameful stares.

By stringing together a few murderous comments, Maxie had broken her sisters memorial. The shattered remains were now gathered in one room, waiting. And she would have to step over them one by one, fearless to the impact they would surely make. Because people cut deeper than glass, and Maxie's skin was now thick, impenetrable.

"Maxie." The name was like a sad song on the lips of Bobbie, with her watchful eyes trained steadily on the young blondes own orbs. For a moment Maxie allowed the connection, but only for a moment.

"Do you need help with anything?" She asked her aunt. Busy work would be as good as anything for the time being. What Maxie wouldn't give to be whisked away from this living hell into the safe distraction of meat platters and cheese on a stick.

"Oh no, everything is fine honey." Bobbie said smoothing down the blonde tendrils, freshly brushed and loose from their previous up-do. And then there was the look, an entirely familiar and readable look.

"Bobbie if you don't mind I think I'm going to mingle a little. Maybe see if Mac needs anything." She gently urged her helpful aunt away from the idea of having a deep talk about what had happened earlier. It was over. There was simply no use in rehashing something that Maxie would do over again in a heartbeat. So, with no time left for arguments, the remaining Jones sister smiled briefly before hurrying away and losing herself in the sea of mourners.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock…_

The old fashioned clock seamed to taunt her as each second passed onto the next. Second one; Georgie was dead, second two; Georgie was still dead, second three; Georgie was dead. It was supposed to get easier wasn't it? People always said to take it one second at a time. Well clearly that was just the least helpful piece of crap Maxie had ever heard! After another four seconds of mentally slamming her head against a stone wall, a whoosh of blonde hair and attitude flew from the crowded room. Maxie had barley stepped through the doors and into the seemingly empty front hall when she slammed straight into the only other person in town with as much snark as herself.

"Tracy?" She exclaimed in both shock and outrage. Not only did this woman make her sisters life a living hell at one point, but she never quite made up for it either. For the life of her Maxie could not wrap her mind around the fact that Tracy Quartermain was at Bobbie's home to celebrate Georgie life and mourn her death.

"Oh." The redhead uttered uncomfortably. "Sorry, I'm just here to give Dillon a ride to the hospital" She explain, very aware of how awkward her presence was.

"Right. How is Luke doing?" Maxie questioned in a business like manor.

"Much better." She replied, looking around for a way out of the less than stellar situation.

"Thank you so ah, I'll just…" She motioned towards the door in a hurried manor and began to step forward. But in an instant, a completely unpredictable instant, Maxie blocked her path. The air around them was still, in a way one might imagine it to be when no living being is present.

"Tell me what you thought of my speech today." She whispered loudly. An ironic combination of noise, though fitting none the less. Widening her eyes Tracy stepped back in mild shock.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on Tracy, you of all people must have some sort of opinion."

"I really don't think this is the time or place."

"Since when do you hold back?" Maxie questioned, her eyes blank in an eerie, haunting way. Tracy knew immediately that this situation would only go from bad to worst. She had thrown herself through the ringer in preference to actually dealing with her emotions enough times to know the signs. Maxie Jones was looking for a verbal beat down and she's run into just the person who would give her one. Or so she assumed that is.

"I'm just going to bow out gracefully, you don't really want to do this Maxie." For some reason, the use of her own name sparked the fire with in the blonde even more. It was raging.

"Oh that's funny. You never bowed out of anything when it came to my sister but now your just full of grace?" The bitter words rolled off Tracy's back, she had expected this. After all, it's what she would have done herself.

"I will never try to pretend that I got along with your sister. I didn't. But Dillon loved Georgie very much." She tried her best to stay calm, reminding herself of Maxie's eulogy. Reminding herself of the encompassing pain that she herself felt when Alan died.

"Don't say her name. Don't think about her or talk about her. You know nothing." Maxie bit out harshly. And, it was that moment, that look in her eyes, that told Tracy there was no escaping this. The confrontation would continue and there was simply no backing out.

"I know what it feels like to lose your only sibling. The person that knows you in a way that nobody else ever will. It's agonizing." She let herself become relatable to Maxie, to gain common ground. It was her last hope and her last effort to end this peacefully.

"Alan was lucky." Maxie spit out with intensity Tracy had yet to see matched. "He had a family and children, a career. His death may have been unfair but his life? His like was full and he was able to say his goodbyes, spend his last moments with the people that mattered." She took a deep breath before finishing. "Georgie was murdered… strangled." The worlds were spoken almost as murderously as the meaning behind them. Her voice, her incredibly broken voice, shook the unshakable Tracy Quartermain to the core.

"I wasn't trying to compare…"

"You were. You thought that if you told me that you knew just how I felt, we could have a touching moment or something. Well guess what? No one knows how I feel. How could anyone possibly understand what it's like to be so completely dead but… still breathing. Because that it, that's all this is. Me breathing." And the older woman couldn't bring herself to argue with the honest statement.

"I don't know what to say." Honesty was met with honesty.

"No one does. No one knows what to say to the girl who just won't _die_. I mean come on! How many times can someone as terrible as me cheat death while the good people, people like BJ and Georgie and Jesse, they just keep dying. Instead of me… because of me." Her tears were safely barricaded behind a wall of spite and anger.

"People forget sometimes." Tracy finally spoke after a moment of quiet. Her sure voice startled Maxie, who had figure there wasn't much left to be said on the red head's part. "They forget how much harder it is to be the one left alive. To be the one who saw the death or felt it. It's just so much harder isn't it?" Unable to avoid it anymore, the guarded elder let her walls collapse. She couldn't keep things cordial or detached. Not when this shattered young heart was bleeding in front of her, begging for answers in the form of a punishment.

"Yeah." Maxie whispered look down and feeling wet tears make contact with her dry skin. And that was all it took, that one moment of contrast and Maxie was crying. Shoulders shaking, heart thumping, breathing labored, and two sturdy arms leading her to shelter.

"That's better." Tracy said as she awkwardly patted Maxie's back. Sniffing to contain her own tears, she looked upward. Why had she been the one to bump into the grieving girl on her path to self destruction. And how in the world did the two of them end up huddled together, crying? It was a question she's never quite get an answer for. Not a good one at least.

"Thanks." Maxie said wiping her eyes and trying to retain some composure. Taking that as her cue to move away, Tracy nodded and stepped backward.

"Of course. So, is Dillon inside?" She asked reverting back to the business-like manor that she had previously adorned. The moment was over just as quickly and abruptly as it had began. Which is just the way it should have been. A moment in passing. Remembered but never spoken of.

"Yeah he's um, I think he was with cupids favorite victim, Lu-loser." Smirking at her own comment Maxie brushed her clothes off.

"Okay then. I'll just go get him." Looking uncomfortably at the door, Tracy prepared herself to face the prying eyes of Port Charles. It wasn't exactly what she needed today of all days.

"I'll get him for you if you want. I should go back in there anyway." Her offer was casual, light, nothing big. But between the two of them it was clear that it was a display of gratitude. One not to be declined. Tracy nodded formally, yet again.

"Oh and by the way," Maxie stopped before pushing the door open and entering the atrocious gathering. "This doesn't mean I like you. At all."

"That's good to hear Ms. Jones because I simply can not stand you." Fighting a smile Tracy watched the strength flow through out the blondes self. She was going to be okay.

"_Well duh_."


	4. Fate's Bitch

_Authors Note_: This one- shot takes place during the snow storm. Johnny and Maxie are still trapped together in the garage. This is just a conversation that I could imagine them having.

**Chapter 4: Fate's Bitch**

"I am so sick of being fates favorite bitch."

"I thought we were done waxing poetics and baring our souls?"

"I mean what are the odds that I would end up stuck in some filthy garage with Mr. Mob Prince himself? Just once I'd like to be safe and sound in my warm bed during a crisis!" Maxie rambled on as if Johnny hadn't said a single word. The two unlikely allies had been trapped together for over an hour now. After a brief, though telling, conversation they had fallen into a comfortable silence. But Johnny should have known it wouldn't last long. Long term silence was never comfortable for Maxie Jones.

"Cu-learly god just hates me! It's always something isn't it? Let's just grab Maxie and stick a gun to her head, Oh gee Maxie won't mind being stuck in a hot sweaty vault for a few thousand hours. And let's not forget about my recurring heart attacks. I mean honestly how many times can a girl go into cardiac arrest during a crisis? It's getting really freaking old god!" The frustrated blonde completed her rant with an aggravated scream. Johnny took a moment to make sure she was really finished before risking assault by responding.

"It'll be okay Maxie." He gently assured her, resting a large hand on her shaking shoulder. The blonde shot him a glare and shrugged his hand off of her shivering body. He wondered for the umpteenth time how such a tiny person could invoke such intimidation.

"No Johnny, it will not 'be okay'. I know you haven't actually lived here that long but Port Charles is a magnet for death and chaos. That little shin-dig known as the Black and White Ball? Yeah, that was one of the more fun parties this town has had. I mean at least the house was still in one piece." She informed him standing up and angrily pacing.

"You really don't like being stuck in one place do you?" He observed.

"No I don't, okay?" She snapped, pausing to shoot him yet another glare. This time he couldn't help but grin at the picture in front of him. There was Maxie, completely encompassed by his own large coat. Her tiny hands were clenched in anger and her jaw was set firmly. Although it went against his better judgment, Johnny couldn't help but let his mind wander to just how adorable she looked.

"Look, just try and relax. We're safe from the snow and we've got beer, pretzels, and even a bathroom. Things could be a lot worst." He reminded her carefully. Her eyes soften just a bit and she let out a sigh of defeat. Walking over to the couch she sat down next to Johnny and shook her head.

"You know, for once it'd be nice to say 'things couldn't be better'. At this point I'd even settle for 'things are good'. But I'll always be stuck with 'things could be worst'. Story of my pathetic life." Her bitter response caught Johnny's attention. Before he could stop himself he found his hand on top of hers and a question pouring from his lips.

"You said something about a heart attack before… was that- were you being literal?" He asked looking down. It was then that he realized just how little he actually knew about Maxie's life.

"Why do you care?"

"Just trying to make conversation." He replied, pulling his hand away casually.

"When I was younger I got sick and had a heart transplant. I was okay for a while but a few years back my heart started getting worst. I'm okay now but…anyway, whenever my heart is under a lot of stress there's risk of heart failure." She told him all of this with no emotion. Her voice was flat and bored, as if she were reading the phone book aloud.

"That's…"

"Annoying? Yeah it totally is. I mean who wants to have to worry about taking stupid heart medication their whole life. And to say that I'm sick of hospitals would be a total understatement. God, the smell the décor, and those ugly scrubs that everyone there wears. Yuck." And there she went. When things got too personal, too intense Maxie always found a way to cover herself up. Masking her emotions with a false impression of shallowness.

"I hate hospitals too. People go there to die and I just, I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to spend my last moments in some impersonal room surrounded by people who look at me as nothing more than a job to complete." Running a hand through his hair, Johnny let our a breath. He hasn't planned this, he never planned to fall into a pair of hypnotizing blue eyes.

"What?" Maxie's head snapped around to look at Johnny.

"I just… I want to die someplace that, I don't know..." The dark eyed loner looked away in frustration. The words he fought to find were out of his grasp.

"Someplace that makes you feel alive." She whisper causing Johnny to turn back to her in mild shock. He nodded numbly, unsure of this moment they were entering. His mind was fogged in a way that he was so entirely unsure of.

"When I was in the hospital I made my cousin Lucas promise me something. I made him promise me that if I didn't get any better, he'd help me to leave. I didn't want to die in the hospital. I wanted to breath fresh air and feel wind or rain or even snow. I wanted to be really cold or really hot. In my final moments, I just want to feel so completely and utterly alive… that it kills me." She spoke differently now. Her voice was layered with tears and laughter and everything that means anything. Her eyes were drowning in a sea of unshed emotion and her hands were tangled together in a mess of nerves. She wasn't reading out of the phone book anymore. Maxie was showing Johnny her heart. He could practically see it bleeding tragically on her sleeve.

"I understand." The only words he could think to say and truly mean.

"I know you do." And with that the two fell into a comfortable silence. A silence that wasn't broken by some need to fill the space between them. As Johnny's arm just barley brushed Maxie's shoulder the two realize, there was in fact, no space between them.


	5. Lights, Camera, Action

Authors Note: This is just a quick one shot describing what might have happened on Maxie and Johnny's first 'date' for the magazine. I hope you all like it. Please comment and let me know your thoughts! 3 Di

**Lights, camera, action…**

"Miss Jones, Miss Jones over here!" The click of cameras and the flashing of lights flooded Maxie and Johnny with in seconds of their departure from the limo. It was as if they had entered another world; a parallel universe where they were together and nothing else mattered.

"Hello." Maxie smiled widely into the camera. Her breathing was barley under control and she felt as if she were literally floating. Johnny's strong hand on her waste was the only thing keeping her grounded.

"The latest buzz is that you're an employee at fashion mogul, Kate Howard's, hit magazine Crimson. Can you tell us a bit about that?" An interviewer had pulled Maxie and Johnny aside and was asking an onslaught of varying questions. For the first time all night Maxie wondered if this was a bad idea. What if she messed up? What if they all saw through her and Johnny's act?

"This girl is the next big thing in the fashion world." The proud voice of Johnny Zaccharra rang through the blonde's thoughts. She craned her neck to look at him and saw an adoring smile and glittering brown eyes. Either Johnny was one heck of an actor or…

"No, no Johnny's just being sweet. I feel absolutely honored to work for Ms. Howard. She is incredibly brilliant and I respect her and her work." For the next few minutes Maxie endured questions about working for Kate and what it entailed. Finally the interviewer decided to switch topics.

"Can you tell me about what attracted you to this event? Why is woman's heart health awareness so important to you and the magazine?" The woman questioned.

"You know, a lot of people are in the dark when it comes to the heart problems that may occur with in woman. And to be honest, I don't think I myself would pay much attention to this particular cause had it not touched my life personally." Maxie began truthfully. She could mingle and fake her way through the entire night if she had to, but not this part. Her heart was something she simply could not fake.

"How is it that this cause has touched your life?"

"When I was a little girl I was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease. Basically the disease affected my heart and it's ability to function correctly. My parents and the doctors tried every available treatment but nothing worked. So there I was, five years old and facing my own impending mortality. It doesn't get any more real than that." She explained her story carefully, emotionally. Johnny brought her closer against him, his touch providing a source of constant comfort.

"No, it certainly doesn't." The interviewer added. It was clear that the interview had taken a significant turn. The woman had began with the intentions of quickly getting the lowdown on Kate Howard's business, and now she was most likely privy to the most moving piece of material all night.

"I was put on the transplant list and eventually received a new heart. I can't describe what it feels like to wake up with someone else's heart beating inside of my body. I know it's just an organ, a means of life support. But when it's taken away from you, it's so much more. I think a lot of people, woman especially, take for granted their heart and their health. I was forced to take notice and thankfully I was able to survive. But so many woman out there aren't aware until it's too late." She finished with her head held high and a feeling of pride running through her veins.

"I think it's easy to see why this cause is so important to Maxie. And with the help of her and the other guest here tonight, hopefully we can make a difference." Johnny added supportively. Maxie nodded and smiled as the interviewer wiped tears from her perfect face.

"Thank you so much for sharing you're story with us Ms. Jones. I think it's safe to say that there is no one more deserving to walk this carpet. And, you look beyond stunning in red." With those final words the interviewer motioned for the cameras to stop rolling. She let out a sob and lunged at Maxie, suffocating her with a hug.

"That was just so moving. Thank you so much Miss Jones." She cried. Johnny and Maxie shot each other a look over the woman's head.

"Oh please, call me Maxie. It was no problem, if my story can catch even one woman's attention then I'm glad to tell it." She forced a smile as she pried the woman off of her. Johnny winced in sympathy and helped her detangled the emotional interviewer.

"Oh god, oh god that was just so profound. We should have kept the camera's rolling. You are truly an inspiration!" She exclaimed. The woman searched through her pockets for a moment before coming up with a small business card. "Here, this is my number. If you or the magazine ever need press or want an interview just call me. We would love to talk to you again." She urged enthusiastically. Maxie nodded and bid her farewell.

"Someone had a few pre-party cocktails." She muttered to Johnny as they hurried away. He laughed sincerely and shook his head.

"You've got yourself a fan… Miss Jones." He teased, bumping her shoulder with his own. Maxie rolled her eyes and the pair made their way down the carpet. The crowd became more cluttered as they neared the entrance and Johnny took hold of Maxie's hand.

"I can't go and lose the bell of the ball now can I? Spinelli would have my head." He explained when she shot him a curious look.

"Oh please, Spinelli couldn't hurt a fly much less a trained mob prince." She murmured.

"Maybe. But when it comes to you…" Johnny trailed off, looking thoughtful.

"We're best friends." She told him quietly, as though she hadn't shouted those very words from the rooftops enough.

"Come on Maxie, you have to know how Spinelli feels about you." She looked away and pulled Johnny through the doors. They walked in silence until they reached the table where they would eat that evening. Johnny pulled out Maxie's chair for her and she raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. His only response was to shrug and casually seat himself in the chair next to her.

"God, this room is amazing. The décor, the lights… it's like my senses have gone into overdrive." Maxie rambled looking around the ball room.

"He's in love with you." Johnny replied, ignoring the blonde's adoration of the event location. She snapped her head in his direction and gave him a sharp look.

"I know that." She whispered, her eyes cast down. He was honestly surprised at how quickly she relented to his observation. He'd expected her to laugh it off or argue. "Why do you think I make it a point to toss around the 'best friend' card so frequently?"

"I had wondered about that." He smiled. She paused for a moment before continuing.

"I just, I don't want to mess things up with him. He really is my best friend. If I acknowledge his feelings for me then everything will change." She tried to explain.

"Oh so you…you have feelings for him?" Johnny questioned, looking pained at the thought.

"No!" Maxie quickly answered. "No, that's kind of the problem. I could never feel that way about Spinelli… it's just not in me. Besides I would end up hurting him and ruining everything anyway. I don't want to have to let him down like that so I just…" She trailed off looking upset.

"You pretend you don't notice the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you and finds any little excuse to be close to you." Johnny's eyes had taken on a faraway look.

"Yeah." She whispered emotionally.

"I get that. Ignore something until it fixes itself. Or at least until it goes away." He reasoned. Maxie threw him a look and he sighed. "Lulu and I, it's not working anymore. I try and overlook the differences. Her touch leaves me feeling cold, her eyes don't light up like they used to and, and her voice just irritates the hell out of me." He looked down in shame.

"Ouch." Maxie replied, offering no comfort; only truth.

"I don't love Lulu the way I used to." He admitted, the reality of his statement hit him like a ton of bricks. "I'm not in love with her." He repeated, a little surprised by his own sureness.

"Did Mr. tall, dark, and brooding just have a revelation?" Maxie teased gently, her hand making its way to his. Johnny grasped her fingers in his own with a need his didn't quite understand. "Hey… Johnny?"

"Maxie will you dance with me?" He asked abruptly, his eyes staring straight into her soul. It was as if his new found admittance had set something inside of him free. He looked lighter now, more alive… though sad all the same.

"Sure." She responded, still a little confused. And although they had just barley begun to work through their individual issues, they tabled the discussion. In the heated comfort of one another's arms, they danced the night away; the rest of the world would have to wait.

**END**


End file.
